Loneliness, as defined by Webster dictionary, is the state of being without company, cut off from others, and producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation. In 2024, a staggering 1 in 5 adults reported feeling lonely every day, with 25% of males aged 15-24 frequently experiencing loneliness, according to a recent Gallup poll. This alarming trend contrasts sharply with my own youthful experiences of connection through school, sports, church, and neighborhood activities, highlighting a growing societal issue that demands our attention.

I have experienced periods of loneliness, particularly when I moved to a new city in my early twenties and again in my mid-thirties. These times were uncomfortable, but I made efforts to connect with others, which helped me overcome the loneliness. However, it is concerning to see how our society contributes to the loneliness of young men today. The impact of social media on our happiness cannot be ignored. Digital spaces have taken over our lives, and digital substitutes for companionship often leave us feeling more disconnected. The time we spend scrolling could be better spent making real connections and improving our social skills. The more we socialize and enjoy ourselves, the better we become at forming connections, which in turn enhances our sense of autonomy and personal agency.

If we give up all of our time and attention to our devices, how will we ever make the changes we need to be satisfied with life? I often indulge in too much of a pleasurable activity like eating too much delicious food, such as ice cream or savory pasta dishes, and I have been known to overindulge in drinking from time to time. However, I reach a point where I am satiated and need to stop and find something more productive to do. I get like that with technology but realize that when I throw my phone aside, I feel empty and sometimes a little lost.

Why don’t we ever reach satiation with social media? There is some research that suggests endless scrolling triggers a ‘dopamine loop’ which keeps us online longer. Our dopamine systems are particularly sensitive to cues that signify a reward is coming, which can make it difficult to reach satiation and stop scrolling. In other words, we are giving away our lives and our happiness to algorithms designed to make creators and, more importantly, the titans of technology steady revenue streams. For example, TikTok pays creators between 2 and 4 cents for every view, while the company takes a significant amount of the advertising dollars.

“Dopamine is not about pleasure. It is about the anticipation of pleasure. It’s about the pursuit, the craving, the wanting.” Robert Sapolsky, neuroscientist.

All of our behavior in pursuit of dopamine fix is helping us move towards oligarchy and techno-feudalism. We are creating our own digital overlords and have created a system where users are unpaid sources of data. We are giving our power away for free and we still have not seen an end to the level of manipulation possible given all of the free data that we have provided. To make it even worse, in many cases we are paying subscription fees to enter digital platforms.

The dopamine loop, driven by the brain’s continuous search for rewards, plays a significant role in our engagement with social media, creating a cycle that keeps us online longer and makes it harder to disconnect. Digital substitutes for companionship not only fail to provide the genuine connections we need, but also limit our ability to control our own lives. This phenomenon contributes to the growing issue of loneliness, particularly among young men, as the digital world takes over our lives and leaves us feeling isolated.

To combat loneliness and enhance our well-being, it’s crucial to break free from the dopamine loop by prioritizing building meaningful relationships and a sense of personal autonomy. Breaking this habit may feel very uncomfortable at first because a person must reset the brain’s reward system but it leads to emotional stability and greater focus on what is important in life. By actively engaging in social activities and taking control of your life, you can create a fulfilling and connected existence, which will surpass anything you can get online. Let’s make a conscious effort to replace passive consumption with active creation and let’s see if we can be happier than we are now.